You can't build confidence.

The Reason High-Achievers Still Feel Like Frauds

You’d think success would silence self-doubt. But for many people — especially women — more success actually cranks up the volume. One friend told me recently, just days after being promoted to a C-level role:

I’m not sure I know what I’m doing. I’m worried it’s going to be obvious that I shouldn’t be here.

She didn’t say it with drama. She said it with a straight face and with true concern. This is a woman with receipts - a resume that anyone would be lucky to borrow from.

There it is… imposter syndrome.

But Why Would It Show Up Even After Your Talent is Acknowledged?

Yes, you’ve achieved that title or recognition, but your internal voice is still catching up and trying to prove herself. If you’re a high-achieving person, it’s very natural for your growth to outpace your perception of self. You’re expanding faster than your identity has caught up.

It’s not fiction.
It’s friction.

Congrats - you’re not a narcissist! That voice in your head is proof not only that you’ve stepped into a space that stretches you, but also that you care deeply.

When I first signed the agreement to become the CEO of a publicly traded company, my first thought was, “F*ck, can I do this?” I had finally achieved a professional goal, decades in the making. Instead of feeling proud, I immediately felt like an imposter. Never mind that I went through many rounds of strategy interviews, finance assessments, a personality test, a lengthy background and reference process, and the most nerve-wracking part, being interviewed by my ultimate SHero, Oprah. I started my first week energized, but also feeling like I was cosplaying the role. I did quickly shake that shit off, which I spoke about briefly here in 2023 with Paige, CEO of All Raise (a community committed to driving parity in tech).

Short clip of the video on Instagram is here.

How did I - to quote Taylor Swift - shake it off? With confidence. Confidence isn’t knowing it all or having all the abilities. It’s the belief in your abilities. And it’s an antidote to imposter syndrome.

Confidence is not earned with time — you can’t build it. You claim it.

I’m often asked (especially in my DMs), “How do I build confidence?” The truth is you can’t. Confidence is not earned with time — you don’t build it. You must claim it. And you claim it with a willingness to show up, to speak up, to take the meeting, to have the conversation, and to move forward.

Ok, but what can I actually do to claim confidence?

Here are the most common missteps I’ve seen from people who have worked for me.

1. You’re Waiting to Feel Certainty Before You Act

Confidence isn’t a prerequisite for action — it’s a byproduct of it.
If you’re waiting for certainty before you move, you’ll be stuck in permanent hesitation.

✅ Shift: Take the step while scared. Confidence is in the reps.

2. You’re Looking for External Validation

When your confidence depends on praise or titles, it’s both fragile and fleeting. As we’ve already established, even when you get validated, it’s not a salve and sometimes makes self doubt stronger.

✅ Shift: Anchor self-worth in your effort, growth, and integrity — not in who claps.

3. You’re Mistaking Perfection for Competence

Trying to be flawless is a trap. It leads to burnout, not belief in yourself.

✅ Shift: Aim for progress, not perfection. Instead of “leaning in” think of it as learning forward.

4. You’re Talking to Yourself Like a Critic, Not a Coach

If your inner dialogue is harsh or dismissive, it erodes self-trust. Remember, it’s not the abilities, it’s the belief in your abilities.

✅ Shift: Reframe the inner monologue. Remind yourself that,“This is my brain processing growth. Not a statement about my value.

I know if you’re reading this that you’re a high achieving person, and a bad ass at whatever you’re working on at home or at work. So remember that your thoughts don’t always tell the truth — they like to reflect familiar stories (or worse, remind you when things didn’t go your way). Don’t let old narratives control new chapters. This is why a consistent meditation and manifesting practice is practical and powerful - to quiet that eager (sometimes mean) monkey brain.

I just made this chart for you on the plane and my seat mate thinks I’m crazy. Charts make everything more scientific. So SEE, here is proof, you are a bad ass.

With a committed meditation practice you will reflect actively on the thoughts in your head, recognize them, and then call bullshit.

With a committed manifesting practice (visualization, journaling, affirmations) you will imagine a future in alignment with your actions, which helps your inner dialog catch up to your empowered identity.

Our expansion exercise this week is a bit different. I have a rock on my table. It’s signed by my Aspen Institute Fellows. I hold that rock whenever my thoughts get the better of me. I imagine what any one of those magical humans would say about me, and then I remember who the F*ck I am. Go out and get yourself a power rock you magical human, you.

Repeat after me: ✨ I belong because I’m already in the room.✨

💙 Sima